The Girls

Gabby has been diagnosed with Asthma...we have to give her 2 breathing treatments a day, but it has made a big difference with that horrible asthma cough she was having.
She's in kinderkid this year and is loving it. She has a great teacher and is bringing her learning home with her

Olivia is doing well...I think she might be past due for another echocardiogram to check her heart condition...I can't remember when she went last....life is just passing me by. She just recently had her head split open...her forehead, when Gabby slammed her bedroom door into it. It was glued back together at Urgent Care, but then the next night while on the road, we were instructed to take her to the nearest ER because she wouldn't stop throwing up. She seems fine now, though.

Savannah is a little monkey. She somehow got a good sized abrasion on the side of her chin, and kept picking at it and making it bleed. I hope it heals soon. They sure do keep me busy

After baths tonight, they were all together, I think in gabby's room, just giggling away....now THAT is the joy of having sisters!

Ugh!

I have a deep need to escape. I need a fresh start, I need out of here. Things have gotten out of hand. I need my own place where the only messes are the ones that I make or allow...where most of the whining stops. Where I can have nice things and keep things nice.

Worship Time

This YouTube Video was sent to me and it just really struck me in a state of worship. I wanted to share. I hope it touches your soul, too.


Hugs,
Julie

Wow! It's really been a long time!

Wow! I really can't believe that I haven't posted since April! I knew it had been a while, but didn't realize it had been that long. I guess I have had a lot happen since then. Not good stuff, either.

Social Security Disability finally denied my claim. It was no surprise, because they deny 70% of the people who file the first time. I need to get off my keester and file an appeal.

My twinsters turned two! They continue to amaze me every day. Their language has really exploded and it's really neat to be able to carry on a conversation with them now. I was watching them tonight and felt a twinge of jealousy. They are so good to each other, so caring, giving and just really enjoy each other. Not only have I always wanted a sister, but I have always wanted a best friend. No, they don't always get along perfectly, they do have their squabbles, but they never last, they work it out, just like friends, and sisters should. The twin bond is one of the neatest things I have ever witnessed. I wish everyone could have a set of twins.

Gabby starts school in 2 days, Kinderkid. She will be going to the afternoon session. I pray for her teacher and that she will be a good teacher for Gabby. With Gabby not liking pre-school last year, that was really hard on this mom's heart. I do hope that she loves school and loves her teacher this year and that her teacher knows how to deal with smart, yet immature and overly energetic children like my Gabriella Pearl.

I continue to struggle in my day-to-day life. I cannot function like I used to, or most of the rest of the population. I have felt like I am drowning. I am back in counseling. I need help dealing with the "new" me. I can never be the "old" me again. I really want to just be able to get up, shower, and do whatever I want to do in a day. The fact is, somedays, just getting out of bed takes all I have. And some days, I can't even get out of bed. Oh how you don't fully appreciate your health until it's gone.

I have learned a few things that I want in life....snuggling! Lots and lots of snuggling! and affection! Those are things I truly crave. And to be wanted, needed and desired. It seems like for me, though, that is asking too much.

Well, I just wanted to post. Probably my very small audiance is gone, since I haven't posted in 4 months. Hopefully I'll get better again.

"All you have to do, is run to Him...."

Went to the park

Today, I actually got the kids out of the house, by myself! That is a feat in itself. It seems to take a million years to get 3 kids in the van and buckled in. I drove them to the park. We could have walked if I was stronger, but there's no way I could these days. Gabby was kind of scared of the playground equipment. It was older and wood and when I got up on it once, it was hard to keep my footing and not have my ankles turn. The twins just kind of walked around. We were going to leave, but we ran into my friend, Chandra's kids and grandparents, so the kids followed them back to the playground. I thought maybe Drew and Reagan would give her some confidence to play on the equipment. She was still afraid to go down the slide and ended up going down on Reagan's lap while holding Drew's hand.

I feel so bad for the kids sometimes. The twins never get out of the house. They just see the four walls of our home, and that's about it. I am hoping this summer that we can have some stuff outside that they like to do and I can go sit out there with them. The fresh air and sunshine will be good for me, and the kids need to get out, too. I am hoping that today didn't wipe me out for the rest of the week.

I took my camera with me, but ended up forgetting it in the van...so, I don't have any pictures to share.

This might be a boring read, but it sure was a nice and fun day. It brings me delight to do fun things with my kids.

What do I want to write about....

What do I want to write about? Hmmm....

Yesterday was really a decent day! Praise God! There were times of the day where I felt half normal, whatever that is! Yes, I did get up for the remainder of the day at my usual 3 pm, but I needed to get to A-town to get 5 of my prescriptions because I was going to be out today.

My friend, Chandra, was going to town, anyway, so I asked her if I could tag along and stop by the pharmacy to get them. If you haven't been around me, you wouldn't know that just to shower, put clothes on and a ride in the car, even just to pick up one thing, would totally exhaust me. Yesterday I was able to do it, and I felt pretty good. This was the first day like that in a very very long time. In fact, it's been so long that I can't even remember when.

Does that mean that every day from this point on is going to be like that? No, most probably not, but I do cherish and treasure the good days and try to fully enjoy them. I do have to make sure that I don't overdo it, though, because then I will crash and be physically down and in pain for days or weeks. I do hope it's not so long for the next good day like that to happen.

Today is OK. The pain is there, but not horrendous. When you have dealt with it this long, it just becomes part of your life. My chest does feel like someone is giving me a bear hug. My help tonight, Ginger, called and one of her friends really needed her help with something tonight so she wondered if I could get by without her. I told her I would try. I am feeding the twins stuff for dinner that aren't too messy, so hopefully they can forgo their baths. Here, I will show you why they usually need a bath after supper every night. This was taken after one of those times where I got their supper, then had to disappear into the bathroom for a few minutes (everyone has to go sometimes :o)
Do you like how it makes her eyebrows appear to come to a V in the middle of her forehead?

My oldest is supposed to be cleaning her room, getting her jammies on and washing her hands so she can eat supper. It's just the kids and I for supper, so I just feed the kids and eat whatever, whenever. I usually don't eat until the kids are in bed when it's just me. It's just easier that way. On the nights I have help, I can usually eat the same time as the kids.

Fred works nights, so he is sleeping, and even on his odd nights off, he is not up in time for supper, so then we eat after the kids go to bed.

It's pretty gloomy looking outside. I can't wait for the grass to green up. I think when it is consistently warmer, things are blooming and having some nice sunny days will really perk us all up. I look forward to the times where we can go outside after nap time and play. I am hoping to get one of those pools with the inflatable rings that stay up when you put water in them that have the filter. I do think it would give us something to do after nap time to get us all outside, get some fresh air and let the kids have fun. The water will be good for me, as when I am in deeper water it takes the weight of the world off my aching body, so then I don't hurt as bad. I would LOVE a hot tub, and really think it would benefit me the most, but funds keep us from being able to get one. If I could sit in that every night before bed, I am sure I would be able to sleep much better and more comfortably, then be able to do a little more in the daytime.

All I know is that God has always supplied all of our needs. If I really would benefit from these things, then they will be provided, someway, somehow.

signing off for today and trying to dance.....Me

Puttin' on my Big Girl Panties and Dealing with it.

You know, my illnesses have tried to get the best of me. Yes, they do slow me down. Yes, they do keep me from going anywhere. But, tonight, I've just decided to put on my Big Girl Panties and Deal with it. (with the Lord's help, of course.)

It is such a breath of fresh air to have my spirits lifted and my attitude changed. It's been a year now since I really got sick. It was a year ago when my parents had to take my 3 kids, 4, 9 months and 9 months, and keep them for 2.5 months while I was in and out of the hospital, eventually ending up having open heart surgery.

I am back to me, seeing all the blessings in my life instead of letting the dumb illnesses take over. Boy have they been heavy weights, but Jesus died on the Cross for all of that...for me. It's so hard to grasp that someone went through all that for me! and for you, and you and you, too!

I praise you Lord, give you ALL the Glory, Jesus. Thank you for sparing my life when medically I should not be here. Thank you for giving me some more time on this earth to spend with the precious gifts you gave me, my blessed husband and 3 little girls. Thank you for the people who have come in my home to help, and for all the meals provided. Bless each and every one of them. Lord, I pray that your Light and Love shine in my life to reach others. Let them not see me, let them see You.

Lord, use me in whatever you have in store for my life. Whatever I am supposed to be doing or learning in all this, I open my heart to You, to fulfill whatever needs done.

I'm NOT putting on my Big Girl Panties...that would mean that I am trying to do it myself. I am handing it over to the Lord and trusting that He will take care of me. It is not mine to deal with any longer. I can't do it myself, only with the Lord walking beside me, all the way.

Is the Lord walking beside you in this life? Where would He lead you if you let him take the lead? Would you dance with Him and follow His lead? It can be so beautiful! Can't you see yourself dancing with Jesus in the sand? A beautiful dance with Him leading and taking you to see that beautiful sunset that He has created? He has so much in store for us. We might be taken through a path of weeds to get to that one beautiful spot that He has prepared for us. All we have to do is have faith and trust in Him. His will, not ours.

Lord, please align my will with Yours. Help me to hand myself totally over to You, so you can lead the dance.

I hope you'll dance, too!

Ramblings from the inner recesses of my mind

Here's to another night with sleep problems. Yahoo!

Talked to the parentage yesterday. They will be headed back up north on Wednesday. Will spend next weekend with my brother, then come home on Monday, their 46th wedding anniversary. I think I sort of miss them. I am not so anxious to see them myself, but am very anxious for them to see the kids. I wonder if the twins will make up to dad right away or if it will take time for them to warm back up to him.

I have decided to work hard to see the bright side of life, to find joy in everything. The joy of the Lord is my strength. Praising God has been something that is lacking in my life and I know I would be a happier person and more fun to be around if I start having that joy back in my life.

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord.
Open the eyes of my heart.
I want to see You.
I want to see You.

See You High and lifted up
shining in the light of Your glory
Pour out your power and love
as we sing Holy, Holy, Holy

Holy, Holy, Holy
Holy, Holy, Holy
Holy, Holy, Holy
I want to see You.

Just singing this song brings peace to my soul.
I really need to try harder to raise my children up in the way they should go, so that when they are older, they shall not part from it. We need to start praising Jesus together, as a family.

I am so very blessed to have a husband who loves me, no matter what. He has shown that to me over and over and over. He is such a good daddy to our 3 beautiful daughters. How blessed I am to have such a wonderful family.

Sucking Binkies with my sweet Savannah Rose

Tonight, on my way to bed, I checked on the girls, as I always do. I always re-tuck them in and make sure Savannah's Binkies are where she can find them if she wakes up and wants them.

Tonight, Savannah was awake when I went in her and Olivia's room. I tucked Olivia back in, because she wasn't covered up at all. Then I laid Savannah back down and covered her back up. I laid my head on her pillow as I stood beside her bed. She put her 2nd Binkie in my mouth (the 1st Binkie was in her own mouth.) Then, after a short time, she took the Binkie out of my mouth and switched Binkies with me. It was so sweet and touching. Never in my life would I imagine that sucking Binkies with my sweet Savannah Rose would be the most favorite way to end my day. What a sweet little girl to share her Binkies with mommy.